We’re waiting for a big, important phone call today. We’re on the edge of our seats.
We’ve been through a lot since May – appointments, tests, questioning briefly if we should move forward with this treatment, going through a few stages of grief as we headed back into this again, applying for and getting approved for a loan, of course there was the two weeks of injections, the blood work, ultrasounds, and trips, and then the egg retrieval surgery.
The morning after the egg retrieval surgery we were updated on how many of our eggs were fertilized. I put a post-it note on our fridge that says “___ eggs fertilized – a prayer answered!” (It’s not your typical fridge note.) It’s a numbers game, sure. It’s easy to worry when you start to think about how many of those fertilized eggs will grow to a blastocyst embryo stage, and how many won’t make it that far. And that’s where we’re at now. Waiting on THE call (we’ve been waiting since Saturday morning). It’s a baby at 5 days of life! Our baby. It’s a miracle. When we did IVF in Cincinnati, we had two blastocysts transferred (twins?!), but sadly, they didn’t implant.
And here we are again. Waiting for the call. Wondering how many embryos we have. We’re praying we have some at the stage they need to be at. This time, they’ll be frozen and then they’ll go through some tests. Which means MORE WAITING. This time weeks, maybe a month or two of waiting.
It’s so hard because I feel like everything is on the line. Our future. Our family. Our dreams of having a child together.
Will we get to the end of this and have to give up the dream? Words can’t fully describe how emotional this process is. Especially when you’ve been through it before. You know all too well just how bitter and heartbreaking it is when you have a negative result.
So we wait. And we pray some more. And we remind ourselves that this is something worth doing, worth fighting for. We never planned on doing IVF, like many couples, we never thought we’d be in this place at all. But here we are. And guess what? God can still be found here. He’s there in the waiting, there in the questioning, there in the tears. Maybe we’ll get to see a side of God through all of this that we wouldn’t have normally had the ability to see, a new way of knowing him. That would make it all worth it.
This is worth the risk. It’s scary, but that’s never stopped us before.