Today was the day I’d been dreading. Today was the final video consult with our fertility doctor in Denver. We love him. He’s an Ohio State fan (because that means something when you’re Shawn DeAtley), and he’s been a cheerleader for us from that very first day that we showed up in his office, a little bruised and (literally) scarred from already having gone through three failed IVF cycles. He was enthusiastic about the likelihood of us having a baby. And guess what? With the help of him and his team, a whole lotta shots, and most importantly, the Almighty hand of God, we welcomed Noella. They knew, and we knew, that we had these remaining boy/girl embryos, and the relationship was intact for when we were ready to try our next transfer(s), in hopes of adding them to our family. But, an enormous God-surprise came along, just before we were ready to get started with the next transfer (we had already started emailing about our meds and protocol and we were ready to get started…), and that God-surprise was Shilo Hope! Dr. Greene and team were thrilled with our news.
Most of our interactions with Dr. Greene and team have been positive, hopeful, and encouraging.
So I was dreading today… talking about the loss of the twins.
Dr. Greene was so humble and sincere and so sorry to hear of our loss, the pain, the D&C, all of it. Our conversation was one of us sharing about our faith in all of this, something we were glad we had the opportunity to talk about. He wanted to know what was next for us, if we saw another treatment in our future, which we were both at peace in saying that our days of fertility treatments are done, and for that we’re filled with gratitude. Gratitude for all that God has done in and through those years of treatments, those years of hoping, praying, trying, and not knowing the end result. We’re grateful that our paths ever crossed with Dr. Greene and team in the first place. God had a hand in all of it. Even this phone call, which I had been dreading, ended up offering some peace and some closure in knowing that even from a medically professional standpoint, sometimes things just don’t work out like we hope they will. Sometimes our bodies and our embryos are too complex for us to know the whole story behind why things go the way they do. But our God knows, and He’s been the author behind all the stories leading up to this one, and even the stories to come. He’s the author behind the beautiful lives of our daughters, how they came to be and where they’re going. The call I was dreading turned out to still be one of hope even with grief still present and real.
Because our God is always one of hope.