Maybe right now you’re not just dog paddling through the current, you’re in the deep end fighting to keep your head above water. The grief is real and month after month just reminds you that time is passing and you’re floating down the river past growing families and happy announcements and frustrating “it’ll happen when it’s meant to” comments from your mom’s friends. But will it? Will it ever happen? Because God works in mysterious ways, they say, BUT WHERE IS THE BABY WE’VE BEEN PRAYING FOR?! Why does God have to work in mysterious ways when it comes to what we’ve been praying for, and dreaming of? Is God even hearing our prayers?! Does He even care?!
Oh man, I’ve been there, fighting those deep waters of infertility, and questioning, and doubting, and wondering if God is still good, still there, still listening to your prayers.
But let me tell you something about God and our journey from infertility to IVF (x 4) to parenthood: God is good no matter what. He is faithful no matter our circumstances. And if you’re a friend crying over a negative pregnancy test, and wondering when it will be your turn, let me just remind you that YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FORGOTTEN. You are seen and loved by a good God. I don’t know why God does what He does, and His timing doesn’t always make sense to us. But if I can just encourage you, even now, to turn to God, get to know Him and who He is right here in this season you’re in, it will serve you in whatever season is next. You’ll never regret getting to know more about the character of God. Who is He in the wait? Who is He when a miracle comes your way?
I’m so glad I got to know these aspects of God’s character even when the journey was long and my emotions were tossed by the waves. And now, I get to see who God is to me as I raise these babies we prayed for! There’s hope in this story and I hope you can stop, right here in your season, and see that this God of hope is in your story too.
One of the blessings in my life lately is getting to help friends (and sometimes it’s someone I haven’t even met who reaches out through the blog or through a mutual friend) through their own struggles of infertility. I love answering their questions about IVF, where to start, when to start, and I love being a listening ear and reminding them that what they’re feeling is totally normal and valid. It’s ok to feel hurt/anger/grief when it feels like everyone else is getting pregnant before you, and it’s ok to not go to the baby shower because it’s too much to handle right now. It’s ok for you and your husband to grieve in different ways. You’re seen and valued right there where you are- waiting and hoping for a baby.
I hope our girls can be a testament to God working in big ways when we least expect it. Keep hoping, keep praying.
And please, reach out if you need a listening ear or if you’re in the deep end fighting to keep your head above water and you need someone to toss you a life raft and pray on your behalf. I’m your girl. I’ve been there, and I’m here to tell you, God is right there in the waters with you too.