Looking for purpose in pain

Looking for purpose in pain

“What Paul is saying (in Philippians 1) is basically this: “I am preaching the gospel to the world from a prison cell. I’m doing my job, what he put me on earth to do, wherever I am. But I’m also representing Christ, even if I’m not preaching to somebody. Even when I’m not writing an epistle to you, everybody in this prison is watching me in chains. How I live day in and out in these chains is changing them.” Why don’t we see our jobs, our blogs, our neighborhoods, or even our time in hospitals or infertility clinics like this? Often we applaud exceptional ministry and miss the everyday ministry that nobody sees.”

 Restless: Because You Were Made for More by Jennie Allen

This book is giving me a lot to think about.

Wait. What? She mentioned fertility clinics? That place where nobody ever wants to go, that place of sadness and shame? That place with the awkward waiting room? That place we’ve become all too familiar with?

While reading Restless the other day I couldn’t believe that was one of the “behind the scenes” ministries that she mentioned. God is a crazy God and works in crazy ways that are often beyond our imaginations, or even what makes sense to us . . .  but what if he has us where he has us to USE us for his glory? Someway, somehow.

How will that change our view from here, in the middle of the sadness and the confusion?

Speaking of waiting rooms, and doctors and nurses, and surgery staff, we’ve come in contact with a lot of people through this ongoing journey of infertility and loss, both in Senegal and America. Maybe God is doing something behind the scenes in our behind the scenes. He’s a God who does what he wants, even when we’re unaware of his plan, his reasonings.

It doesn’t lessen the pain to think that God could be doing something through all of this, but it certainly gives the pain a purpose. Does that make sense?

There are a lot of really, really hard things going on in my family right now. And it doesn’t help that they’re so far away from me, separated by an entire ocean. I cannot, from where I sit, see how good could ever come from all of this heartache. But I’m not writing the story. God is. And while I can’t change the situation(s), I can beg our God of redemption to turn this story into an ending that will bring him glory, and will remind us all that a good ending is actually possible.

Even if we don’t see it in our lifetime, someone will see it, and know that the pain had a purpose.


139 thoughts on “Looking for purpose in pain

  1. Praying for you today! Praying God is near in these dark places and brings you an enormous amount of joy and peace that only he can do! You are not alone. He sees every tear and heartache and loves you deeply!

  2. Girl- you are brave and I am praying this for you right now:
    God- move and be enough and cover and protect and bless and multiply and redeem and make right and be near and empower and issue hope and confidence and faith and your people to love and walk through the darkness with Jenn and her husband. Thank you for the ways you are using their obedience!

  3. Girl- you are brave and I am praying this for you right now:
    God- move and be enough and cover and protect and bless and multiply and redeem and make right and be near and empower and issue hope and confidence and faith and your people to love and walk through the darkness with Jenn and her husband. Thank you for the ways you are using their obedience!

  4. Restless messed with and challenged me in a beautiful, clearly God-ordained way. Praying for your pain and struggles today!

  5. I’m so sorry you have so many hard things going on in your life right now, and that you are so far from your family. But God sees you where you are, and he sees your family in hard times. He hears your prayers, and is with you in the struggle! He has a perfect story written just for you. Sending you hope and love from North Carolina!

  6. Jenn, your perspective is beautiful. Praying for you and your husband through these trials and that God will bless you in His crazy and wonderful ways. To Him all the glory!

  7. In this moment it seems hard to see, but praise the Lord that this is not how the story ends. This song of sadness will bring Him glory if not here then in heaven. He is with you and your family. He has not forgotten you! In fact, Isaiah 30:18 says the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

    Lifting you and your family up in prayer
    Love,
    Kathryn
    A fellow Restless traveler

  8. Praying for you today! May you feel the amazing and overwhelming power of God’s love and peace. Hugs from Kentucky.

  9. Praying for you today….. He is able to do all things and will always give peace in all circumstances. So will pray for all that concerns you and that you will really know and rejoice in His amazing purposes for you and that you will be overwhelmed by His presence today.

  10. “Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak: O Lord, heal me…” Psalm 6:2

    Life on this side of eternity is painful, but our hope lies in eternity. May today you feel just a glimpse of heaven in your soul. You aren’t alone in this battle. God ‘has it’! You have a legion of sisters interceding for you. Give thanks that you are surrounded. All my love

  11. I have never experienced the pain of infertility, but I have experienced the pain of loss. The below verses from Romans 8 (26-28) really helped me though some dark days. Sweet sister in Christ, I pray that you will find comfort in the fact that not only are others praying for you but so is the Holy Spirit! He is pleading with God on your behalf! Thank you for showing your faith during this difficult time. Praying for your good ending!

    “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

  12. Prayers for you today. Infertility is that thing that no one dreams will happen to them – until it does…and it sucks. BUT, Restless has helped me to see SO many of the ways God has used (and is still using) my journey through infertility to help other women. Love to you today.

  13. Praying that God will reveal his plan for you so that you may show the world his glory! That you may find peace in your heartache, strength in your weakness, light in your darkness. Know that he is an ever present God. He will not leave you nor forsake you! Blessings!

  14. Father, I lift up this Sister in Christ, praying for her and her family. I humbly ask that you would strengthen and comfort them during this challenging season. And I ask, Father, that you would bless them with a glimpse, just a glimpse of Your Glory and the purpose for the pain, enough to carry them through the hardest days. Oh, and how I pray, how I pray that you would bless them with the child whom they have always been meant to love. On Jesus’ name, amen.

  15. Praying for you today and sending love from South Africa! Your story is beautiful and oh so meaningful. Praying you will feel our God’s great comfort, love and peace.

  16. Your words are so true. God will use it for good, even if we don’t see that good during our time on this earth. Keep trusting him. You have a team praying with you.

  17. Girl, you are being surrounded by love and lifted up to the very ear of our Father. Whisper your fears and let him fill you will hope. Not only a hope, but a future! Your sisters from far and wide are standing with you! Sending you love and prayers of strength from Maine, USA. xo

  18. Jenn-
    Praying that God becomes so very real and present for you in this darkest of times. May the God who created you give you the strength to persevere and not grow weary. May he lift you up and carry you until you can see to walk again.
    Much Love from Wyoming

    Megan

  19. I just wanted you to know how much your words and situations have spoken to me. Just know I’m praying for you today. May God’s peace surround you and His goodness fill you to overflowing! I hope you can find delight in our Savior today.
    (this passage has helped me in my health struggles, which twice have been life threatening for me) I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1, 2 ESV)
    In Christian love

  20. Praying for you today! As a fellow traveler on the path of infertility, praying for gentle reminders of our faithful Father in your walk today. He has not forgotten you!

  21. Jenn,

    May you feel the love of God and others wrapped around your heart today from North Dakota, USA – may you feel the presence of the Lord strongly today to give you a peace and joy that can only come from the Lord. Blessings

  22. My husband and I are also missionaries, in South America. Your words resonated with me and I am praying for you today…that He would do “abundantly beyond all you could ask or think” (Eph 3:20) and that in the meantime you will find His mercies that are new every morning! (Lamentations 3:22-26.)

  23. Your faith and courage in the face of struggle and heartache is inspiring to me. I don’t know you, but love you dearly, my sweet Sister. My prayer is for God to be enough, to continue to remind you that you are NEVER alone, to fill you with His peace that passes understanding and to guard your heart. Stand firm, press in, and run your race. There is beauty in pain, even though we are not always able to see it un the midst of the pain. Prayers for your family and comfort for you heart. Blessings to you, dear friend!

  24. Praying for you today! I pray God’s peace and comfort in the knowledge that His timing is always just right – even when we cannot understand it.

  25. Praying for you today from northern Alberta! To know that you you know that you know, that God is good and He is involved.

  26. Praying for you this morning from our little corner of the world. May God bless and encourage you this day with little things only you and He know you love. Tuck them away in your heart & pull them out on a day you need to remember His love. Blessings, Lisa

  27. Oh dear sister, I’ve been in your shoes. The unspoken trial of infertility is so hard! Know that I am lifting you up and praying for God to fill you with strength and peace as you travel these roads. It’s not easy, things don’t always turn out like we want, but God will fill you with what you need to go through it all. If you haven’t already, read Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake. I think I read it a hundred times over the last 11 years! Love and hugs to you from Virginia!

  28. You have such a faithful perspective! God is using you! I’m so thankful there Are courageous, Jesus loving people following God’s will….wherever that is, helping those who need Him. He is with you, pleased with your work! I am praying for you, through dark times and joyous times! I am praying you see His glory in others…knowing your efforts are always worthwhile when they are for Christ! God bless you always!

  29. “It doesn’t lessen the pain to think that God could be doing something through all of this, but it certainly gives the pain a purpose. Does that make sense?”

    Oh sweet sister, these words are what I cling to. Our family just lost an adoption referral after 9 months of looking at his sweet little face and calling him by name. Sometimes we are lost in the fog and we just have to trust that the God of the Universe is still guiding us.

  30. Sister, Friend.
    I have been in the fertility clinic not once, but twice trying to conceive and bring forth joy. Know this. God is sovereign. His timing is perfect (gosh how true this is). And He knows the pain in your heart. You are not alone.
    Great and Glorious Father, be the lifter of your daughter’s head. Fill her with your joy and peace and give her patience to wait on your timing and your will. God, if it pleases you; if it accomplishes your purpose grant her a child that she may train up and hold like an arrow to be released as a warrior for you in just the right time. Lord, you are good and all your ways are good. Please hear these prayers and bless this one. By your Great Name, by the name of Jesus we speak life. Amen.

  31. Jenn,

    As I was reading your post this morning, I was immediately prompted to look up this scripture, “Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.” Deuteronomy 33:12

    Seasons of life are messy, painful, and miserable, know that you are not alone in your struggles. Know that the Lord is there with open arms, He’s longing for you to crawl up on His lap for a heart to heart. Whether that means you cry, or you scream, you get angry, or you’re simply quiet and reflective He’s ready to listen and be there with you. And when you’ve poured out your heart and you have nothing left, He’s there to say come rest on my shoulder my beloved daughter!

    What Satan is intending to use to tear you down, to distract you, to bombard you with lies and insecurities, GOD will use for His glory! Keep pressing in dear one, God is not finished writing this story!

    Blessings and Love…

  32. Thank you for your transparency and sharing your heart. It is beautiful to see how the Lord is encouraging and loving you through the pain. Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Praying this verse will wash over you and comfort you as you serve in His Kingdom!

  33. My husband and I have and are still walking the road of infertility…a road of much heartache and sadness and tears but also of much expectancy, hope and faith in our God. If we hadnt endured this road we never would have adopted our beautiful son who God has made perfectly for us!! There is reason and purpose in the journey. I will be praying for you today, that God will fill you with His hope and peace.

    “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.” Ps. 30:11-12

    You are not alone!

  34. Sister, I have been there. I remember the ache but can no longer conjure up the pain now that I am on the other side. He truly makes us fruitful in the land of our suffering. I can see the fruit bearing out in our life as I read your words. And He causes us to forget our sorrows. (Gen. 41:51-52) Sometimes knowing that provides little consolation, but is nonetheless true. I remember finally (after years of infertility) having a lightbulb moment where I realized, “This is my big chance!” to really trust Him and walk by faith and not by sight. I love how I see you already doing that even in the sadness and am glad you aren’t missing your big chance. There will be a day when you will raise your hands and drop to you knees in praise over how He works all of this out. I am praying that it is soon. I am praying the joy would be more than you can even bear. I hope I get to read about it here and praise Him with you!

  35. Oh Jenn…. huge hugs, and many prayers for you today from a wee town in Ontario, Canada.

    Psalm 126: 5-6 Those who sow in tears
    Shall reap in joy.
    He who continually goes forth weeping,
    Bearing seeds for sowing,
    Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
    Bringing his sheaves with him!

  36. Found your blog by accident because of a “crazy God” who cares about people like me and you. I’ve been in a dark place myself and feel your pain in a different way, but still we are sisters and can understand. My dark place is a bit lighter today, my valley experience growing less rugged and more beautiful. I believe with you that God takes all the pain and redeems it into joy and gladness and fruit in His kingdom. He is amazing like that. Praying for you to see light in your tunnel today.

  37. Purpose in our pain. I love that the words of this book are reaching into some dark places in your life. I can relate to this specific struggle. You’re right, it a place that nobody wants to go, but if we are here together lets do it together! I am praying for you right now, to find that purpose, for God to touch places in your heart and bring you peace and strength. I speak in Jesus name against lonliness and fear. I pray that your family will grow and through this you will indeed find an purpose beyond your understanding. You are so brave!

  38. You’re right-God uses all things, especially the more painful. You’re inspiring view throughout it all is from the Lord too, which is also so encouraging. Prayers and love to you and your family

  39. Hey, I wanted you to know, I’ll be praying for you today. “God, give Jenn and overwhelming sense of love from you, that she and her husband will be reaffirmed in their calling. We pray for healing on the area of infertility. That Lord you would be glorified by a baby coming to this couple.” Amen

  40. Praying that you would feel HELD and enveloped in PEACE but the one who holds all of your days, your cares, your hurts, your joys, your worries and your countdowns in the palm of his hands! You are so BRAVE and so STRONG! Covering you today sweet sister!

  41. Praying for you today Jenn! God is using you to shine His light in dark, dark places. You are not alone in this fight. Though we may be thousands upon thousands of miles apart people are praying that the work you are doing is multiplying among the generations there. You are a mighty warrior of God. Praying for His supernatural peace to cover you in the coming days as you courage on in your everyday life! You got this!

  42. Jenn,
    Studying Restless and have journeyed some of the journey you have traveled. Praying God’s grace and redemption over you today for all you have lost. Praying He will redeem in abundance all that feels “stolen” to you. May you be strengthened by the One who is strong when we are weak and may His name be made great in and through you both. I’m so sorry for your pain and loss.

  43. Sister, me too. That’s all I can really muster up with out a total melt down. Me too. I’m covering you in deep empathy prayer today.
    Much love,
    Allison

  44. Hi Jenn, I found the link to your blog on Jennie Allen’s blog and I was so moved to come here to you corner of the virtual world and sit with you for a while. If we were in person I would hug you and listen and hold you hands and pray for God to overwhelm you with His Spirit.

    The internet is a lot about words but I want you to know that I’m here with you in the silence of your day and mine…with you in Spirit and prayer.

    Love to you sweet sister in Christ!

  45. Hi Jenn,
    I read this today and thought of you–
    “El Roi – He is the God of sympathy. He sees. He knows. God sees you. You don’t have any heartache, you don’t have any pain, you don’t have any trouble that He doesn’t know of. In Psalm 33:18, 19, “Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear Him, and upon them that hope in His mercy.” Did you know that God sees you right now? God knows your very thoughts. God knows your heartache. God knows your imaginations right now. God is there and Jesus is our El Roi, because what does the Bible teach us in the Book of Hebrews? We have a high priest that cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities. He knows. He cares. His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.”

    Praying today that you feel the comfort and love of the God who sees!!

  46. “It doesn’t lessen the pain to think that God could be doing something through all of this, but it certainly gives the pain a purpose. Does that make sense?”

    That makes perfect sense! I struggled for years to find purpose in a painful situation. I was delivered from the situation about 5 years ago and I’m just now really seeing how God can use it. Let me tell you, it is so overwhelmingly beautiful to see it unfold. This may be hard to imagine (it was for me, even 2 years ago) but I can actually look at it with some gratitude now and in a really odd twist, it brings me joy. Imagine that! Being thankful for the pain because it had purpose! (Sounds crazy, I know… it still gets me.)

    That’s how the view changed for me.

    Sweet sister, I am praying that for you… Joy in the morning. Praying hard for you today, and I will keep praying in the coming weeks.

    I hope this rally to overwhelm you has been the sweetest of blessings! xoxo

  47. Praying this for you today:

    2 Corinthians 4:16-18
    Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (NIV)

  48. Dear Jenn.
    Praying that God blesses you in the most incredible ways! Your journey may be heartbreaking right now but God loves to surprise His kids in wonderful ways! May you find peace and joy In the waiting.

    Laura. Portland , Oregon

  49. Jenn~I battled my own years of infertility and loss and I hurt with you this morning. God is so good to remind us of His faithfulness in such surprising ways. You are enough. He sees your heartache and your hurt and he hurts with you….all the while with a promise to make all things new and right in His time and in His way. Whispering peace over your heart today.

  50. Jenn – you are a brave woman to share your heart and I’m lifting you up in prayer today and in the days to come. God is good!

  51. YOU are not alone – God is there in the midst of your pain. ((((((HUGS)))))) Praying for you! Your sister in Christ, Ronda

  52. I am praying for you today.- praying that you will feel how much you are loved!!!!!! Feel it like a big tight squeezing hug from a friend, feel it like we are all right there with you, feet kicked up, right there with you on your porch. xoxo

  53. Praying right now for you. Obviously you know we serve a very able, a very big and mighty God. He has great plans for you.

  54. I am praying for you sweet Sister in Christ. I know the pain of infertility and it is a difficult road to travel.

  55. I came to your site to encourage you today…after reading your blog post I find myself encouraged that God is writing this story and there truly is purpose in pain. Lifting you up now praying that you will feel His presence today in an incredible way!! Thank you for your faithfulness to God’s call even in the difficult times!

  56. Praying that God will be near you today, that you will sense a new wave of hope and joy and life from his Spirit that will carry you through the darkness and even that you would be a part of pulling others out of their darkness along the way.

  57. hi jenn!
    the road you are walking i haven’t walked…
    but i have walked the road of darkness. i know that one.
    and i want you to know you are not alone.
    we are here. and HE is here.
    and that just has to be enough (sometimes that’s all we have!)

    praying HIS peace and love flows over your heart today…this very moment!

  58. Hi sweet sister. I walked this road as well and it just sucks. No other way to say it. But this season WILL come to an end and God will redeem and restore these years of heart ache and waiting! I was reminded in psalm 42 last night that God’s song is with us and he sees us when “our tears are our food” love you and praying for you today that not only God will bring your baby to you very soon but that he’ll sustain and comfort you until he does.

  59. I just wanted you to know that I read your post and will lift you up in prayer! God is able! We went through years of infertility/longing for children and although the worst time in my life, I do realize 18 years later what a powerful time it was as I grew so close to the Lord crying out to him in prayer. We were blessed with two biological sons (one with the miracle of fertility treatments, one miraculous healing that led to our second son…even have medical proof God healing my endometriosis the dr.s couldn’t help). Our 3rd child..a precious little girl came to us through the miracle of adoption. All this makes me not take one moment for granted with my children. I hope my testimony can encourage you and I pray the Lord will bless you with your heart’s desires in His perfect timing!

  60. You don’t know me, and I only know you from the above post but we share a similar brokenness of infertility. I too have been reading Restless and have come to the realization that God might just have placed me in the infertility clinic – a place where everyone seems to stare silently at the floor in their hopelessness and hopefulness – for such a time as this….to shine God’s light into this dark corner….to look beyond myself and my internal struggles of feeling broken and unworthy to see an overarching story of redemption. I thank God for inviting me to this story. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It is really really hard. May you feel God close to your broken heart and may you feel him saving your crushed spirit every hour, every day, every cycle.

  61. Jenn, my prayers and hopes are with you and your husband today. May you sense the Lord’s love and support as we all come alongside you from across the globe. Continue to trust in His provision and goodness for He loves you, Jenn.

    “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take GREAT DELIGHT in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

  62. Hi Jenn…my sister in Christ. I have walked this road also and am sending you my love and prayers from Vancouver Canada. xo

  63. Covering you in prayer today and the days to come, Jenn! Cling to Romans 8 and know that there is a community of people praying for you all over the world. Sending love from Florida.

  64. Ohhh the hurt of infertility goes so deep…I know it well. I pray the God of all hope would surround you this day with is infinite hope. He is able to infinitely more than you could hope or imagine. Praying for you this day. Be blessed be lifted up by your sisters in Christ.

  65. I’m praying for you. May you get a glimpse at the great cloud of whit eases that are cheering for you as you run this difficult race. May God give you running partners to help you when you don’t think you can take another step, and for you to encourage in their moments of pain. My He strip away all the things that trip you up for you can run freely, and may you feel God’s pleasure as you come into and use more freely the gifts He has given you as you enjoy and glorify Him.

  66. All this time of waiting will not be in vain… The Lord is using this, and one day He will set all things right. Praying for you today.

    1. Praying for you, today. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13. You are loved!

  67. Jenn- praying for you right now! My husband & I are too familiar with the infertility clinics as well. I feel the pain dripping from your words & so get that although God is using it and someday He will make it worth it, the pain is so real. Praying God whispers to your heart & loves you in a tangible, extravagant way especially today!

  68. Oh Jenn, my heartbreaks for you but God is good. In 2010 I got pregnant with my first baby after 11 months of trying. I was 3 months pregnant, on vacation in Israel, when I miscarried. I had complications and nearly died. My poor husband was so traumatized by it that he decided he no longer wanted kids. I love a good God who knew that taking my baby would result my heartache. I truly believe that God will use my life in a way that I could not have imagined and would not have been possible if I had children. Sometimes it hurts so much. However, I believe if we let Him, God will redeem every hurt. I will be praying you have clarity in what to do and peace for where God has placed you right now.

  69. Praying for you sweet sister. Praying that God would grant you the desires of your heart and that you would feel his love in a very real way today. Your faith and hope in a happy ending to this trial is a beautiful thing :)

  70. Jenn, Thinking and praying for you in the place you are at. Pain, loss, fear and uncertainty are so much harder when you are away from friends and family. Praying you feel His love today.

  71. Praying for you today! God used infertility to change my entire existence. Every inch, every corner, every part of me was changed. I am every day grateful for it and grateful for the opportunity to pray alongside other women on their journey. What a privilege! Much love!!!

  72. I have that lump in my throat as I read this. I know your road and am praying, right now, that He would come tenderly and touch you in a way that overshadows the pain. I know He can.

  73. Praying for you in central Illinois! May the Lord lift you up today and wrap you in comfort and strength. May you feel the healing power of His love today and everyday. Much love and many blessings!

  74. I just ran across this and felt a tug on my heart to pray for you<3 What a privilege!
    YOU ARE LOVED! He's got you…Love, Joy, Strength and Peace is YOURS in Jesus name!
    Praying for you…

  75. Dear sweet Jenn, my daughter – and your friend Megan (Fanko) McGowan – told me about Jennie Allen reaching out to you, and we both are very excited to connect in prayer. In fact, it is my privilege and joy to pray for you, expecting and anticipating wonderful news, giving all glory and praises to God our Father who is able to do amazing and miraculous things in our lives as we obediently serve him, and as you share His love around the world. You are an inspiration and breath of fresh air, and I am praying that you will have peace that passes all understanding as you embrace our King through this difficult trial. He is faithful. Continue to trust His plan. You and Sean will remain in my prayers. With love and hope and strength, from Michigan.

  76. Those dark, aching places? The ones where your heart and soul are wrenched in love for everyone’s child but your own? May God meet you there. Praying for you tonight. Hugs and love from a sister in Indiana.

  77. I do not know the darkness & pain of infertility, but I do know darkness & pain. Praying right now for the Holy Spirit to descend on you like a dove, imparting His peace, presence & truth that He loves you with an everlasting love, that you are His daughter & with you He is well pleased. Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.”

  78. Oh Jenn- Big hugs from the West Coast. My dear sister I have cried and prayed with friends fighting the same battle as you are. I am happy to say that all of my friends are now mamas and are praising The Lord for their little ones. I just want to encourage you to keep on believin’!! Don’t listen to the enemy who wants to convince you that God has forgotten you or that He has passed you up. Oh sweet Jenn, he has an amazing sweet gift for you. It is waiting for you. Lots of love to you and your hubby as you share Jesus to those around you.

  79. Blessed to meet you in this space and lifting you up today! I haven’t been in your shoes. But I know the angst and the pain the questions and wondering. But this I also know: God is good.

  80. “…but what if he has us where he has us to USE us for his glory? Someway, somehow.”

    This sentence is profound. For you and for me. And for all of us.

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m praying that God tends to you in this hard time and that He fills you with His peace in the midst of the unbearably difficult.

    God Bless

  81. Just re-read my comment above & realized I left some things out, as I was writing the above amidst some chaos in my home. ;) What was in my heart was to say that although I do not know the darkness & pain of your story, I do know darkness & pain and I am so sorry for your loss, grief, struggle & pain. I am praying for you today & will continue to as The Lord brings you to mind.

  82. “No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised” Romans 4:20-21

    Girl. Weeping for you this night. Interceding on your behalf, sister. So much beauty in what you wrote. And, yes, it makes incredible sense…”it gives the pain a purpose.”

    “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

    Thank you, Jen, for encouraging me and spurring me on and reminding us that He isn’t most of the time glorified in the glamorous, but the “behind the scenes”.

  83. Jenn,
    I too have walked this road. I just wanted to share the verses with you that helped to put my heart back together over time. They are from Habakkuk (yep, really :). “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.”(Habakkuk 3:17-19).

    Praying that you will be able to find joy in the Lord – despite your circumstances, and that God will be your strength!

    In Christ Alone,
    Melissa (mom of 6 via adoption)

  84. Jenn…..closing my day in prayer for you (from Little Rock, AR). Praying you will feel the comfort of our loving Father whispering to you in the middle of your pain!

  85. Praying for you, sweet sister, that you would be reminded that you are not alone. God truly is writing your story and while much of it may not make sense right now, He is weaving your story into His Story and He has a way of making everything beautiful in His time… Even the ugly, hard to look at, scary, lonely, and rocky chapters. Many blessings to you. Safiri Salama. {Journey Well}

  86. Thank you for your sweet honesty. Your faith is an encouragement to me! Praying for you right now from Garden Valley, Texas.

  87. I’ve been where you are. Well. Not the African part, but the infertility part. My heart goes out to you across that ocean and my prayers go up to that God who cares about the details even we seem to over look in our own lives. Even though we think we want them more-the details. God gives us our desires. And then he makes good on promises of restoration. Sometimes that happens in our hearts but sometimes it happens in our bodies. We had many unwanted outcomes in our road to family and God was still good. I now have five babies. And God is still good. Remember that most. Praying for you.

  88. I just finished Restless and there were some hard sections in there for me as well. You are not forgottennand I pray this thread of suffering ignites more passion in you for God’s glory in these unseen places. To God be the glory and may His peace that supasses your understanding guard your heart and mind Phil.4:3-8. Praying for you and your family.

  89. I can empathize with parts of your struggle, praying God heals your wounds, and refreshes your spirit. I love the verse, Delight in The Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart!
    Our desire was to be parents, God filled this dream with three amazing adopted children.
    Through our personal struggle with infertility, unmet dreams, I learned to go after the Healer, l(God) let go of the pursuit of getting the healing.
    Be encouraged my friend, God hears your heart.

  90. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. Your faith is incredible and you are such an inspiration. I have all to many people in my life you are walking this road!
    Lord I pray that you would encourage Jenn and her husband today. I pray you would show them mercy and grace that they need to get through this tough time. Lord I pray for your comfort and gentle guidance as they walk this weary path. Lord we know that nothing is too big for you so I pray Lord for a miracle I pray Your Will be done. I pray that they would be restored and that the desert wasteland would be made into an abundant stream of water. Help them and give them strength to persevere in this season. In Jesus name I pray.

  91. Praying for you! Thank you for sharing your struggles so others could be encouraged, trust God amidst things not finished and realize that there is a purpose for our pain. Your sisters in Christ whom you’ve not met are linking together to pray for you to be infused with courage and faith like never before. You have a beautiful heart.

  92. Sweet sister in Christ,
    Praying Ephesians 3:14-19 for you today. May you know that you are loved by our Father and be encouraged!

  93. Oh, praying for you. Mostly this: “Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,
    ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
    if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.–Psalm 34:17-18”

    I have walked this path–it’s lonely. And I often can’t catch my breath. Praying God is very near to you. (This song has helped my heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLBXqDAm1uU)

  94. Dear Jenn,

    I met you two summers ago at New Tribes in Dakar (I was with the group from Québec) … I just found you again through Jennie Allen. Isn’t this amazing? He’s got the whole world in his hands, sister, and He’s got you. We’re all praying, over here.

    -Abi

  95. Thank you for writing these simple and authentic words. I have gone through two miscarriages recently and am currently writing this while I’m on bedrest with an eye injury. My son’s “flying disc toy” from Target slammed into my eye the other day and took away my vision. It is, so gratefully, coming back but I am having to “lay low” in the meantime. I, too, am seeing how odd it is that God works in our pain–uses it for His glory. My husband and I “tried” to be missionaries about five years ago, and due to health issues were unable to go. :( Ever since God has been teaching me about the reality of your words: He uses even the mundane, the non-glorified ministry in some powerful ways. Our small services and pains (the ones we don’t even want to go through and do so kicking and screaming at times) show others the God of the Universe inside of us. Praying for God’s goodness to be “screamed out” in your life. Hold on. I promise you’ll see HIs puprose in this and I’ll pray it will be soon. Thank youfor your encouragement.

  96. Hello! I am praying for you today. I love what you wrote and your honesty! I’ve been talking to a friend lately about being faithful wherever He has us. Sometimes that seems insignificant…just being a mom, folding laundry, moving piles of papers from one spot to another trying to “clean up”…so thanks for the reminder today that He is in those little things!

  97. Sister, prayers for you and your family from New Mexico, America. Praying that you are waiting in faith and obedience, that God gives you the strength for both. Praying that your joy is not stolen during the hard times, but made complete in Him. Thanks for sharing so honestly.

  98. Father God, in Jesus’ name I ask you to bless your precious daughter’s womb with a child, her heart with Your comfort, and her mind with Your peace.

  99. You spoke right to my heart today. Thank you. I, too, am struggling as I wait on the Lord to add to my family. Praying for you and your husband. This is my mantra these days:

    Psalm 27:13-14 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

    Love to you and the family He has planned for you!

  100. Although our situations are exactly the same, we struggle with loss and infertility as well. I wonder how can good come of this but I know that it will! I am praying for you :)

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