Shawn has told me so many times throughout this treatment that I’m the strongest woman he knows. That’s so thoughtful of him to say, and it means so much to me. He’s my rock and I couldn’t do any of this without him.
But I can’t be strong anymore. At least not today. The unknown and the waiting have taken their toll on me. And every morning for the next 10ish weeks, Shawn has to mix and inject the DEVIL shot (progesterone) into the muscle in my butt (#romance). It’s a slow-moving, thick oil, and it’s awful. And it hurts. And my muscles ache. I’ll be right here crying on the couch if you need me. (With this huge stack of Christmas cookies…)
I’m so grateful for how far we’ve come, and the journey isn’t over yet. But that’s just it – it’s not over yet. There’s more to come, and I’m tired of the roller coaster. I hear the harder the climb the better the view, but the climb is wearing me down and on some days, I’m struggling to keep walking. What will the end result be? Will all of this be worth it in the end? My mind loves to remind me of our 3 previous failed cycles and what it felt like, how terribly bad it stung, deep in our souls, to hear that our embryo(s) didn’t make it. We wondered if we’d ever have children.
And here we are, still wondering. But we’re closer than we’ve ever been. So we try to keep our hopes high and our prayers frequent as we continue the climb, strap ourselves into the roller coaster seat, and hold on tight as we ride into the unknown of another day in our IVF treatment.