Finding out – excerpts from my IVF journal

Finding out – excerpts from my IVF journal

As a follow-up from this blog post, here’s another except from my IVF journal:

The night before we found out the results from our first beta test (which told us if I was pregnant or not). I wanted to “freeze” that moment. Not knowing which way things would go, but wondering if I’d look at these pictures the next day and know then that I was pregnant.


It’s 9:14pm, just four days before Christmas. It’s the evening before my first of two beta blood tests. The test that will initially tell if I’m pregnant or not. I am feeling more excitement than fear. I’m feeling more excitement than I thought I would the eve before our big day. Tomorrow could go one of two ways. I’ve been on and off nervous since the transfer, which is to be expected, and completely normal (if you ask me). I’ve been nervous wondering what’s going to happen, if it will work or not. I’ve been curious, always curious, what the embryo is up to in there- knowing we transferred it, but not knowing much more than that. I’ve been nervous for “the” phone call. The one where they call to give you the results. I know how these calls have gone in the past. But this isn’t the past. This is a new day, with a new hope. At least that’s what I’ve been trying to focus on. I’m ready for some good news. I’m ready for a congratulatory phone call this time, with positive results. I’m ready for tomorrow to be a day we’ll never forget. I’m ready for this to be a Christmas where we see a miracle unfold before our eyes. I’m ready for the news that a baby is coming in August. Tomorrow’s the day we find out the results of this long IVF process. I’m excited, nervous, anxious, and hopeful. God, we pray for you to hold us tight as we walk, once again, into the unknown. We pray for a miracle. We pray that 12/22 will be a very special day in our lives as Shawn & Jenn.


12:10pm Blood work for beta test #1 is in, and now we wait. NO BIG DEAL. Just waiting by the phone all day to find out if I’m pregnant or not. *Heavy sigh*. A lot of time, energy, money, hopes, dreams, continued efforts, prayers, pain, and hard work have led us to this point. There’s nothing we can do now but wait, hope for the best, and try not to go crazy wondering what the results are going to be!

4:01pm “The call” came later in the day than I would have liked. The phone call with the results came late because the lab was down. Shawn (at work) and I were ON EGG SHELLS ALL DAY waiting for that call. After lunch with Jamie, and stopping in to see Shawn at work, I went to Target to walk around and kill some time. And then it came. THE CALL OF ALL CALLS. Nurse: “How are you, Jennifer?” Me: “Anxious!!” Nurse: “Oh, ok! Sorry about the delay, our lab was down. But it’s good news! You’re definitely pregnant!” Me: *freezes in the magazine aisle of Target*. “Really?!?! *Begins to tear up and laugh with joy.* “WOW!” Then the nurse went on and said it was a really strong first beta, over 200. (Anything under 5 is negative.) I was (still am!) stunned. Overjoyed!!! I decided to go surprise Shawn in person since I was still in the neighborhood. When I pulled into Denver Mattress, he wasn’t with a customer, thankfully, because I really didn’t want to have to leave and come back, or to tell him over text. We went right into his office, he closed the door and I said with all the excitement in the world, “I’m pregnant!!” He was so, so, so happy. We were both in shock. He kissed my belly and had tears in his eyes. The dream is becoming a reality. Our Christmas wish, our Christmas miracle, HAS ARRIVED.

12/22/16 turned out to be an unforgettable day in our lives as Shawn & Jenn.

May the sharing of our story dare you to hope, to dream, to keep praying, to keep climbing. May it remind you that your story is not over yet. May it show you that God is always at work- through the sweet and the bitter times, he is there, he is God, is able.

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