I wish I wasn’t the human kind of mom.
I wish I was the steady, patient, soft-spoken at all times kind of mom.
I think back to those first moments with you, and I’ll never forget that deep-within vow to love you always, love you steady, love you gentle.
And here we are now, day 999 in quarantine and I’m wishing I were on a beach somewhere. Just me. And a margarita. Shawn can come too, I guess, if he doesn’t talk too much.
This post is me preaching to the choir, the congregation, and the guy in the hall pretending not to listen. This is me preaching to the weary mom.
You don’t need to be the ‘coffee to wine’ survival mom kind of mom. Because if you know Jesus his grace can meet you before you shuffle out to the kitchen to grab a mug from the cabinet. And he has this supernatural way of filling you with what you need for the day, and he does it before the caffeine even hits your bloodstream.
If you’re the human kind of mom, there’s grace for you. No need to question if you’re good enough, because we’re basing all of this race on WHO HAS DONE WHAT FOR US, not on what we do, or what we accomplish, or how we measure up.
Mom guilt is banned from your vocabulary because you ARE the human kind of mom, and if you know Jesus, his blood (something so red and vibrant and unmistakable) has the power to wash you WHITER THAN SNOW. Lower the expectations, stop looking at someone else’s race, and love what’s right in front of you. Love without thinking. Love because you’ve been given a fresh start today. You’ve been given a fresh start every hour on the hour, even when you and the Quarantine Crazies are losing their ever-loving minds. Even when stepping on LEGOS is a real hazard of the job and your response to the pain is rather regrettable. (Maybe not the best time to be FaceTiming grandma…)
Know that you’re right where you should be in this season – with your babies, in your home, and it’s one of purpose. Don’t think ahead and don’t wander back to where you once were. You might catch your mind drifting back in time and dwelling on an ancient past activity some have spoken of, but you’re unsure now if it’s real or just an urban myth people speak of. It’s a thing called “sleeping in”, it’s a think called “a clean house”, it’s a thing called “quiet”, it’s a thing called “doing what you want when you want”. Or you may catch your mind drifting toward the future and daydreaming of similar activities, or that beach I mentioned. But know that your purpose is here, now. Your purpose is to play and teach and feed and guide and hug and forgive and mold little minds and spirits. No amount of quiet or things going exactly the way we want them to can compare. Live your purpose with boldness, even when it’s the same thing every day all day. Even when you want a break or a vacation or a caramel feaking frapp to yourself, remember that your time to mom is now. Your time to hold and talk and listen are now. The past and present remain where they are.
This season of being a stay at home (human) mom + quarantine days are long (x12) and the human in me wants to find an escape. My flesh is selfish and I need God’s grace EVERY MINUTE of the day to fight to stay in the game. This game matters. This role, your role, matters. Love, service, beginning again, His mercy, making this moment count, their childhood, today, this race, responding well, IT ALL MATTERS!